Reference: Forney, E.
(2012) Marbles: Mania, Depression,
Michelangelo, and Me. New York: Penguin
Group.
You’re so depressed that a “good day” is being able to move from the bed
to the couch, and somehow health insurance doesn’t cover mental health? Don’t
even get me started on the suicide rate…
For this blog and the
one following, I’m going to mix things up a little bit. Instead of going about
this in my usual English-brain-inspired fashion with the quotations, analysis
and personal references, I’m going to follow a different formula. The books I
was instructed to read are graphic novels, and thus much of the message they deliver
is conveyed through the illustrations: the colours they choose, the lack
thereof, the way they use the space on the page, etc. There may be a couple of
quotations here or there, but instead of isolating them I’m going to weave them
into my general observations and analyses. Maybe I’ll even take a picture of a
few of the pages that stood out to me and insert them into the blog for
reference (as of right now I’m not sure if I’m going to do that, it all depends
on the amount of energy I’m going to have when I get there…if you scroll down
and see pictures, you’ll know I had said energy in abundance). But anyway. What
I’m going to do is start by telling you a bit about what the books are about
and how they’re written (ie. attempt to describe the author’s artistic and
literary styles, perhaps with picture references). Then, I’m going to provide
some general impressions and observations, probably some questions, too
(especially with Are You My Mother?...I
have to admit that a lot went over my head in that one, but I’ll get to that
shortly) and also make connections to my own life and experiences as per usual.
Lastly and most importantly, I’m going to see if I can make some connections to
the work I’ve been doing in geography so far: what does a book about a woman’s
battle with bipolar disorder, and another woman’s complicated relationship with
her mother have to do with geography? Just sit tight and I’m going to tell you
(to the best of my ability, anyway).
So just as the title of
this blog and the reference suggests, I’m going to begin with Ellen Forney’s Marbles.
As it mentions on the
cover of the book, Marbles is a
graphic memoir detailing the struggle the author has gone through with bipolar
disorder (I’d love to say this struggle is over, but unfortunately bipolar
disorder is something that is never really cured) from pre-diagnosis, to
diagnosis and then through the difficult years of treatment and eventual “recovery”
(I of course use the term “recovery” very loosely here). Forney also struggles
a lot with her medications: she worries that if she is medicated for her
bipolar disorder, she will lose her creativity. She spends a lot of time
reflecting on all of the famous artists, poets and authors who struggled with bipolar
disorder and tries to weigh the risk of losing her profession (as a comic
writer, she needs her creativity) and potentially losing her life (many of
these famous individuals, like Virginia Woolf for example, ended up committing
suicide). After countless therapy sessions and experiments with medication
after medication in different quantities and combinations (which takes almost
five years!), Forney and her psychiatrist finally figure out what works for
her, and she realizes that her medications don’t cause her to lose her
creativity. In fact, she is actually able to focus a lot better than she did
before.
I have to admit that
prior to reading this book I didn’t really know what bipolar disorder was. If
you asked me before picking up Forney’s book to describe the disorder, I
probably would have thought for a while before spitting out “mood swings?” and
then not even being totally sure about myself. I will admit that I definitely
downplayed what I believed it to be. Forney does an incredible job of showing
readers just how serious this mental disorder truly is: it’s a lot more than
just “mood swings”…it’s extreme and dramatic ups (mania) and downs (depression)
that can last months with no relief. When you’re up, you’re UP to the point of
near insanity, and when you’re down, you’re DOWN to the point of contemplating
suicide (although Forney thankfully never got to that point…however she spent
months struggling just to get out of bed, only to move to the couch). Because I
think it’s important and deserves recognition, here is one of my favourite
pages of the book: one that I thought was so interesting and compelling, in
fact, that I showed it to my mom and one of my friends:
Although I would argue
that you should read the whole book to truly grasp an understanding of the
severity of this mental disorder, the illustration, along with Forney’s
explanations, provide the best summary possible in a single page. To think that
a person can go from nearly smacking their head off the ceiling from being so
energized and excited during a manic period to lying lifeless on the floor
during a depressive period is astounding to me.
In terms of what the
rest of the graphic novel looks like and how it compares to other graphic
novels I have read, with regards to style Forney’s book reminds me a lot of
Marjane Satrapi’s Persepolis in terms
of both her decision to keep her comic completely black-and-white, and also
with the extremely simplistic style of her artwork. Compared to Are You My Mother?, it didn’t look like
your typical graphic novel with the sequential panels and detailed
illustrations. It was more abstract. Although there were some pages that
followed the more traditional comic book style with pages full of panels and
speech bubbles…
This is one of the last pages of the book, where Forney talks about how
she wishes her current self could tell her past self that everything is going
to be okay.
…there were many pages that
looked like this…
This picture illustrates Forney’s reliance on her sketchbook to help her
through her depressive periods. Even though she didn’t have the energy to draw
often, she would still on occasion muster the strength to draw some sketches
(many of which she dedicates full pages of her memoir to, such as in the
following illustration).
She includes this self-portrait among a succession of illustrations from
her sketchbook. It doesn’t show it in this picture, but in the top right corner
of the page in the book it says “crying in the bathroom.”
Now that I’ve given you
a better idea of what the book is about and what it looks like, I’m going to
move onto talking about some of the parts of the book that stood out to me and
some of the connections I have made. To start off, I want to say that I really
enjoyed this book. I think any book that leaves me feeling like I was completely
naïve and foolish before reading it is nothing short of a roaring success in my
eyes. Like I mentioned previously, I knew absolutely nothing about bipolar
disorder before last week. Actually, I would often get it mixed up with
schizophrenia…which now seems really dumb (though I guess you’re sort of a
different person when you’re manic and when you’re depressed…but still, it’s
not even close to the same thing). Since I know neither of them will ever see
this, I’m going to share something personal. I know I do this a lot, but this
might be bordering on TMI (though I must admit after reading these two memoirs
I feel like nothing is TMI anymore). Here it goes, anyway.
Almost immediately
after finishing reading this book, I ran downstairs to tell my mom about it. I
told her what the book was about, and I said, “I can’t believe dad accused you
of being bipolar…you’re not even remotely close to being bipolar. That’s so
stupid.”
I might have actually
called him stupid here, or maybe even an idiot…but I’m not going to admit to
that just in case there’s some cataclysmic shifting of the universe and he ends
up seeing this. For the record, I’ll just say I don’t remember.
Anyway.
I guess when my parents
were having problems (they’re divorced now) and they were going to therapy my
father brought this theory up to the therapist. He said he had been searching
all of the signs of a bipolar online, and my mom fit the bill. My mom told me
that upon hearing this, the therapist casually turned to my mother and asked her
what she does for a living. My mother told him that she was the president of
Niagara Falls Tourism.
The therapist told my
father that my mother was not bipolar. From this one detail about her career,
he knew that could not be possible. Someone with bipolar disorder would never
be able to run a company untreated, which of course made perfect sense when
Forney talked about how she pretty much stayed in bed for weeks on end.
That wouldn’t fly in
the corporate world.
The reason I’m telling
this story is because it shows how ignorant people are about mental disorders,
as well as how problematic it is to go around accusing people of being
“bipolar” or “schizophrenic” or “obsessive compulsive” or any other serious
mental condition without any actual knowledge of what any of them are. My
father is not “stupid” or an “idiot” or anything that I may or may not have
called him when I was talking to my mom. He’s an intelligent man, but he is
extremely ignorant when it comes to the seriousness of mental disorders.
Even the most
intelligent people can be ignorant, and this example with my parents shows how
important it is for people to get their facts straight. My mother was extremely
hurt by my father’s accusation. She of course is not bipolar, but for people
who actually have this disorder, even after reading Forney’s memoir I really
cannot begin to grasp how difficult it must be to tell people about it.
People who, more often
than not, probably don’t have the right information. Sure, there have been many
efforts over the years to increase mental health awareness. But how far does
this “awareness” really go? I know mental disorders exist, but that doesn’t
mean I know what people actually go through when they have them. I think Forney’s
book was a good start.
Now that I realize how
ignorant I was, and I’ve had a lightbulb or two go off in my head to clear up
some of that ignorance, I can work at obtaining a much fuller and more
authentic understanding.
I’d like to start
making some connections to my study area, starting with feminism! If you ask
me, pretty well everything should start with feminism, but that’s an argument
for another day.
In the beginning of
Forney’s memoir, she begins by showing her readers what her life was like
before she was diagnosed with her disorder. Forney is in a manic phase at this
point, which means she’s full of energy, excitement and hyperactivity. I have
to admit that when I was reading this part of the book, I couldn’t help but
admire her! She seemed like the coolest woman ever to me: she exercises
countless times a day, her mind is always going at a mile a minute and spilling
over with creative ideas, she throws exciting and elaborate parties and she
flirts and sleeps with whoever she wants whenever she wants! During a manic
period, Forney is confident and completely fearless! No social situation makes
her uncomfortable and she says and does precisely what she feels. I especially
loved the part on page 18 when she mentions how “brazen” she was and how she “didn’t
fear rejection” when flirting with both men and women. In one panel, she goes
into a store and says to the man (upon first meeting him): “Let’s make out in
your back room.” In the next panel, she meets a girl in a sauna and says to
her: “What would you say is your sexual orientation? Because I’d really like to
kiss you.”
Why aren’t there more
women like this?! Okay sure, maybe she might be a little “much.” But I think
women especially should be more like Forney! Maybe not completely like Forney
of course, because the depression that comes after the mania is definitely no
picnic, but her shameless confidence is majorly inspiring to me. I wish I could just go up to a random guy
and ask him to make out with me in the back room.
And now to incorporate
some geography into this!
One of the main
thoughts that kept pervading my mind was that…
FORNEY TAKES UP SPACE!
And it’s amazing!
In our society, women
are made to think that they should take up as little space as possible: we
should be quiet and docile, thin, cross our legs, keep to ourselves. Pretty
much everything about how the female body moves and behaves has to do with
being as small as possible. Manic Forney, on the other hand, is larger than
life. She doesn’t care what people think about her, and she is happy in her own
skin.
If only this Forney…who
in this illustration, takes up the entire page as her face is not outlined…
…have to turn into this
Forney…
Is it possible to be like
manic Forney without the bipolar disorder diagnosis? While I don’t think a
woman would be able to physically keep up a high to the magnitude that Forney’s
highs were, I definitely think Forney’s attitude while manic is certainly worth
adopting.
While manic, she seems
completely liberated from all of the pressures of the outside world to be the
particular version of a woman that society accepts. She is a feminist to the
core and doesn’t let the normal confines of different spaces and social
influences impact her behaviour.
I don’t think I need to
lose my “marbles” to change the way I perceive my world and the spaces I feel
free to inhabit and how I choose to inhabit them.
…see what I did there?
Okay, I think that’s
enough for this one. On to graphic novel numero dos!
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